• Open Adoption

    Adoption Triggers: May is Hard

    As a birth mother, you never know when you will come across a trigger in your day; a scent, an item, a moment, a reminder of your grief. May is that for me. Every April marks another year since I chose adoption. Another year of choosing Christ as my daily savior– because the day was one in the same. Another year to our adoption anniversary of meeting her amazing family and God revealing His fingerprints within a beautiful story He wrote for us. April was my turning point and redeeming moment in my life. Yet, while I moved forward into May with a fresh hope that comes with spring, it also was the beginning…

  • Open Adoption

    11th Birthday Thoughts: Feeling Adoption Loss

    Anna turned 11 in June and as usual, it brought about memories and emotions that I don’t usually have on a daily basis.  Usually, I am very much at peace and content that we have 2 separate lives that occasionally intersect. However, birthdays trigger memories to come flooding back as if it was just yesterday, making the piece missing in my heart feel just as raw as it was after placement. After her birthday party on my 2 hour drive home, I couldn’t help but just cry a little. As I listened to the worship music on my iPhone, I let the floodgates down.  I miss her. I miss the daily presence…

  • Open Adoption

    Adoption Openness Doesn’t Always Numb the Ache

    I’ve always had peace with my decision of adoption because I absolutely feel I did what the Lord called me to do and He has granted me peace in return.  I know I did what was best for her and for myself 10 years ago. But that doesn’t mean it is always easy. I miss her.  The absence in our daily lives, the silence of how she is doing today, her smiling face around our dinner table, her big blue eyes not here to look at me as my other children do. I just miss her. I want to know her more. Most days, I am content and okay knowing she is…