• Blog,  Open Adoption

    Leah’s Story

    One April Sunday in 2004, my Mom and I decided to take an easy hike to enjoy the beautiful weather. Pilot Mountain was close by and we had gone many times in the previous years.  The spring air still had a slight chill to it, my basketball-like 7-month belly was hiding under an old dance team t-shirt and a light jacket kept me warm. I’m sure I was wearing yoga pants since that’s all I could find to fit my new growing size, no maternity pants fit quite right. They are made for adults, after all, and I was only 16 years old with barely any curves to hold adult…

  • Blog,  Open Adoption

    Our Open Adoption Film

    I was so honored to be asked by Talk About Adoption‘s founder Callie Jett to be the birth mother interviewed for her film in May of 2016. This premiered at the Pro-Life Women’s Conference in June 2016, where I spoke on a birth mom panel sharing my experience alongside other amazing birth moms and our advice surrounding adoption. You can view that here for more insight on different birth mothers’ perspectives. We aim for the world to see the option of adoption as a valid option. It is a new chance at life for the baby and the birth parent, too. We aim for people to change their view on birth mothers, that we aren’t…

  • Open Adoption

    Adoption Triggers: May is Hard

    As a birth mother, you never know when you will come across a trigger in your day; a scent, an item, a moment, a reminder of your grief. May is that for me. Every April marks another year since I chose adoption. Another year of choosing Christ as my daily savior– because the day was one in the same. Another year to our adoption anniversary of meeting her amazing family and God revealing His fingerprints within a beautiful story He wrote for us. April was my turning point and redeeming moment in my life. Yet, while I moved forward into May with a fresh hope that comes with spring, it also was the beginning…

  • Blog,  Open Adoption

    Photo-a-Day Challenge

    I participated in Big Tough Girl’s Photo-a-day challenge during November’s National Adoption Awareness Month, where each day I dug deep into a memory of what shaped my experience as a birth mom.  Going through pictures tonight picking out ones to share for and it took my heart back in time. You never know when triggers will break open the crack and let the sadness out. I miss her and think of her every day, but some moments it is felt deeper than others. This photo was taken when my birth daughter was 2, back when I was still a teen and we had monthly visits and sleepovers. A time when…

  • Blog,  Open Adoption

    Birthdays: Feeling Adoption Loss

    Anna turned 11  and as usual, it brought about memories and emotions that I don’t usually have on a daily basis.  Usually, I am very much at peace and content that we have 2 separate lives that occasionally intersect. However, birthdays trigger memories to come flooding back as if it was just yesterday, making the piece missing in my heart feel just as raw as it was after placement. After her birthday party on my 2-hour drive home, I couldn’t help but just cry a little. As I listened to the worship music on my iPhone, I let the floodgates down.  I miss her. I miss the daily presence she would have…

  • Open Adoption

    11th Birthday Thoughts: Feeling Adoption Loss

    Anna turned 11 in June and as usual, it brought about memories and emotions that I don’t usually have on a daily basis.  Usually, I am very much at peace and content that we have 2 separate lives that occasionally intersect. However, birthdays trigger memories to come flooding back as if it was just yesterday, making the piece missing in my heart feel just as raw as it was after placement. After her birthday party on my 2 hour drive home, I couldn’t help but just cry a little. As I listened to the worship music on my iPhone, I let the floodgates down.  I miss her. I miss the daily presence…

  • Open Adoption

    Do I Love Her Less?

    I’m an open book when it comes to my adoption and most of my life, for the simple fact that I want to be real and honest in hopes that it helps encourage others to know they aren’t alone, or dare I say, even change a life. Recently I was having coffee with a sweet church friend and as we talked about the daily motherhood blessings and battles or my most recent interaction with Anna, she said, “Can I ask you a question…do you love her less?” “Her” meaning my Anna. My answer? No. I don’t love her less. The love is absolutely, unequivocally the same as my other children.  I treasure…

  • Open Adoption

    Adoption Openness Doesn’t Always Numb the Ache

    I’ve always had peace with my decision of adoption because I absolutely feel I did what the Lord called me to do and He has granted me peace in return.  I know I did what was best for her and for myself 10 years ago. But that doesn’t mean it is always easy. I miss her.  The absence in our daily lives, the silence of how she is doing today, her smiling face around our dinner table, her big blue eyes not here to look at me as my other children do. I just miss her. I want to know her more. Most days, I am content and okay knowing she is…